Puzzle Pieces – Where do I Goethe from here? (Part 3)

I piggybacked on that with this.

“That writing takes me back to the Luther Vandross song, ‘Little Miracles Happen Every Day,’ which came to me at the beginning of this new journey for me.”

One thing I would love to do
Is to talk to someone, wish I knew who
Sometimes the people who know the least say the most
Makes you wonder who you can trust
What’s gonna happen?

The first thing I learned, God is love
The next thing would be, He loves me
Sometimes I tire of waiting, for a thing or someone
Then I stop and see what he’s done
And I know good things will come.

Maybe today, anything can change
Noting stay the same
And maybe today – What’s tomorrow for?
No one knows for sure
Through it all, come what may
Little miracles happen every day

And so you go, strangely enough
Alone even though, addicted to love
You’re in and out so quickly, that it gives you a start
You’re waiting for a message, or a word
But you haven’t heard it from you heart

Maybe today, anything can change
Nothing stays the same
Maybe today, it’s for the love we need, I really believe
Through it all come what may
Little miracles happen every day

What is a miracle? Love is a miracle
Every time you love, a miracle it happens somewhere
So many miracles, even small little miracles
Just take one look around, it’s not hard to figure out.

Cause it might be today, anything can change
Nothing stays the same

And maybe today, what’s tomorrow for?
No one knows for sure
Thought it all, come what may
Little miracles happen every day.

And now, I take you to my horoscope for today, as I think it is relevant as well.

“An irresistible force meets the immovable object today. There is a lot of energy available for disciplined work, but push too hard and you may break something…..Later today, you have a chance to show off you professional talents. A brilliant idea may need more work, but will eventually bring you a great deal of success. Be determined to create an attitude of peace. Peace of mind is clearly an internal matter. However, it must be extended outward for it to continue.

So, apparently I need to get started on doing some writing. I have wanted to take a major step forward for quite a while now, but really have hesitated because I really haven’t had an outline of what I wanted to do. However, as I have read recently in a book published by Stephen King, On Writing, that isn’t really necessary. He says that many times, and I’m paraphrasing this, that writing is an organic exercise, and should be spontaneous. This is his opinion, but I see where he is coming from, and I tend to agree with him. In my experiences, some of the best things I have written literally came “out of nowhere.” I was not planning them or laying them out. I just needed to be ready when the words started flowing out of somewhere in my mind, through my pen. I didn’t question the process, I just became a part of it.

The desire to write really started to become more constant last year, particularly after my grandmother passed away. As a matter of fact, I was kind of given an extra desire after we were going through some of her belongings. We found different things that she had written, mostly poetry. I was not aware that she had done this, but from what I could see, a vast majority of it came either before I was born or not too long after that. I’m not sure what took her away from it, but it is obvious that she didn’t do it nearly as much during my lifetime as she had prior to that.

As I look back through my journal from that time, I can see how apparent the desire to write was becoming. As a matter of fact, I found an entry that explained what I was feeling then, and I’ll share it with you now. It was written on March 9, 2013.

I am thinking a lot about it. I wouldn’t say at this point, that I would describe it as “all consuming,” but is seems like I am heading in that direction. The desire is most certainly there, but the content isn’t quite there yet. This may seem odd, or not make sense, but it does to me right now. The other day, I had a thought come to me as I thought about this. To me, right now I’m comparing myself to a volcano before it erupts. It may seem like an odd analogy, but here is what I mean.
Before a volcano erupts and spews molten lava to cascade over its crown, where it flows down its sides, scorching and engulfing everything in its path, as ashes jettison miles into the air, wreaking havoc in the atmosphere as it diffuses away from its source, hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles away from its core before it settles back to earth, the inner earth is rumbling around, generating the energy that will facilitate the inevitable explosion.
I experienced this once before, but I didn’t characterize that episode then like I am now. That time it seemed to come out of nowhere, much like a tornado suddenly appears and travels an unpredictable path, disappearing back into the sky, mysteriously vanishing from our sight. We can see storms coming in, but never know if they will simply nourish the land with some life sustaining rain, or whether or not countless items will need to be picked up and pieced together at a future date, or maybe never for that matter.

Well, it appears that the time is now for me to officially begin on my path to a dream of mine. Have I always had it? Not that I can remember, but looking back with a subjective eye, I can see that the seeds were planted long ago. How? Well, I have always been a stickler for spelling. I’m far from the best speller around, but I do pretty well. I have always tried to use the correct grammar and punctuation, where as I see many who could care less. I had a teacher tell me that a paper I wrote was the best one in the class (despite the fact that I got a poor grade on it), but it make me feel really good because there were some pretty impressive students in that class that I felt at that time that I was not up to par with. Also, when I finally decided to start going to school, the first class I took was English 101 (Essay Writing). I aced that class, and was quite frustrated with the instructor, despite the good grades I was getting. I wanted feedback, but she gave very little. When I asked her about it, she said, “Well, you have to remember that my job is to make sure that you know how to write, and obviously, you do.” I have always remembered the structure of an essay that I learned back in tenth grade, and with that being said, whatever I have written seems to flow from that initial time of learning how to piece not only my words together, but how to effectively structure the essay so that it made sense and flowed nicely.

The above paragraph (yes I realize it is a bit long and drawn out…) encompassed basically the first 36 years of my life. Here and there I would put something together, but nothing really very consistent. However, that officially changed ten years ago, this month. To be exact, it was June 6, 2004. That was the day that I went out and purchased a journal and made my first entry into it. Why did I start then? I’m not really sure, except that like now, there was just something telling me that I needed to do it. I can tell you this though, it was around that time that I experienced a big shift in my spirituality, and despite the fact that I went to church for so many years in my youth, it was at this time that I really started to “get it.” It was during this time that I went from what I would call being “religious” and instead became a person that had a personal relationship with Christ. The rumblings had been stirring for a while, but it was in February of that year that my life began to change. I was in a place in my life that I realized that something needed to change, and I figured the best place to start was getting myself right with God. I can say with all certainty that my life has changed a great deal since then. There have been many struggles, but he has brought me through each and every one of them, and I’m a stronger person because of it. He has given me direction to act out what he wants me to do during my time on this earth. Sometimes I have pushed back, but inevitably, I relent, and realize that sometimes I just need to “Let go and let God.”

I remember specifically back then thinking what I was going to do in certain aspects of my life, but it wasn’t long after that I discovered that God had other plans for me. By the way, do you know how to make God laugh? Tell him your plans…. 

Many seeds were planted in 2004. Some of them I realized immediately, some not until later. Some of them I was trying to make grow right then, but found out later on it wasn’t the right time yet. You see, I was trying to make things happen on my time, but eventually figured out that I needed to get myself on God’s timeline, no matter how frustrating it was at times. If I have learned anything over the past ten years it God’s timing is perfect. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I killed some of those seeds, but cultivated others. Thankfully, there is no waste in God’s economy, and through allowing him to “run the show,” some of those seeds were allowed to come back, but in a different time and place, and I am very thankful for his grace that has allowed all of this to happen.

I know that this entry has been very long, and I hope that I haven’t lost any of you along the way, but I will now wrap it up with a prayer, called the Saint Francis Prayer. It actually comes from my first journal. On the cover, there is a picture of Jesus standing on a hill at sunset (or maybe it’s a sunrise….I’m not sure), with some sheep around him, and a few birds flying in the sky, along the horizon. At the top of the journal, it says, “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.” Then on the inside of the cover is the entire prayer, and it says…

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
Where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in dying that we are born into Eternal Life
Amen

I hope that anyone who reads this can see how everything fits together. If not, you all may think I may be missing a marble or two. But in my mind, I can very clearly see how pieces of this puzzle are now starting to fit together so a clearer picture can be seen. There are instances of things that have happened over a ten year period that fit together perfectly, and there are themes that flow through the entire story, and words like: dream, love, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, and peace. Are these all coincidences? I say no. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe that God has a plan for each one of us, and it is our job to figure that out with as little or as much prompting as it takes. He could tell us, but in the mean time we would miss out on building our faith that we will need along the remainder of the journey. Regardless, I’m excited that I am on this journey and I am anxious to see where it leads me. I really have no clue right now as to where that will be, but I’m trusting that it will happen and I will be wherever I am supposed to be.

I will leave you with my horoscope for today…

“An irresistible force meets the immovable object today. There is a lot of energy available for disciplined work, but push too hard and you may break something…..Later today, you have a chance to show off you professional talents. A brilliant idea may need more work, but will eventually bring you a great deal of success. Be determined to create an attitude of peace. Peace of mind is clearly an internal matter. However, it must be extended outward for it to continue.

And, with this my friends, it is my intention to extend that peace, however it looks or feels to you, as far outward as the Good Lord will allow me.

Thank you for taking the time to walk this path with me and I hope and pray that you will continue along with me on this journey!

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